Jump
I want to take the high dive with a running start, but I don’t even know if I’m at the foot of the right ladder.
The World
Should I hope for some bank in which I can invest my love?
Time and time I’ve asked to deposit, but all have turned me away.
Should I ignore the pleas of rejection’s door each time I search above?
Time and time I’ve wanted to knock, but I fear they might betray.
Shall I waste away with sonnets to those who hate me most?
They act like they enjoy my presence, but they say that they hate me so.
Or shall I aspire to dismantle that which I’ve worked to boast?
I act like I enjoy their presence, but I resent more than I show.
In these humble times of mine, whispers of friendship appear.
I want them to be fully true, but my heart would never see.
But in this equal time of pride, my “friends” are all austere.
I want myself to be completely honest, but my mind does not agree.
The ones I’d like to give me advice would steer me towards repair.
I know the truth, and I’m not fooled by any of those lies.
They are blinded by their fetal hunger, yet to some their advice sounds fair.
Yet even though I know the truth, each hour I still reprise.
Sometimes I wish my life were cinematic, with a point that it would prove.
Some type of moral story that each event is to inspire.
But I know better that what happens to me does nothing to improve.
Perhaps the moral of the story to myself is that my hopes are truly dire…
Passive
“You did not choose me, but I chose you and appointed you to go and bear fruit…” John 15:16
When someone chooses me to be his disciple, it’ll be different than those discipleships with people who just meet up once or twice a week to ask each other how they’re doing…
Looking Back, Looking Up
When it seemed to me they knew to lead,
I didn’t know what to learn.
Because of that, I soon became depressed,
“There’s no need for me, I think.”
Looking back, they had it all in life,
And of course, I didn’t know what to feel.
Should I have asked to see what they feel?
(The ones that knew how to lead)
“From them, perhaps I could do great with my life,
Something, from them, I could learn.”
Too bad, I didn’t know what to think,
And because of that I became depressed.
While I thought to myself, depressed,
I looked around to see what they feel,
(“The great people up top are amazing,” I think),
I wondered who taught them; how do they lead?
I had no mentor to guide me to learn,
So without guidance I was lost in life.
Soon after this point, reborn was my life;
I no longer felt depressed.
I yearned to learn,
And learned to feel,
And felt that, “Those who lead,
Aren’t so much as great, I think.”
Though trials set me to begin to think,
“There is nothing in store for my life.”
I began to see that those who lead,
Had also, themselves, depressed:
“Burnt out from ministry, I feel.”
And what a shock, to learn!
To continue to grow, they seek, they learn,
And to grow closer to God, they think.
His majesty, revealed, I learned to feel,
That God had broken their lives.
I no longer decided to be depressed,
And instead will choose to lead.
And to lead! What a joy to learn,
That those depressed should think,
“God has given us life to use, and the future is ours, I feel!”
Scary Thought
I’m scared if when I’m older and married, and my wife says to me, “Honey, sometimes I feel that we aren’t close,” all I can reply is, “You know I love you,” all the while gritting my teeth, swallowing back my pride and hating myself for lying to someone who I’m supposed to love.
This Time
When we arrive at eternity’s shore
Where death is just a memory and tears are no more
We’ll enter in as the wedding bells ring
Your bride will come together and we’ll sing
You’re beautiful…
Can’t lose focus now, at this time of the year…but then again, what was my focus to begin with?
