The Other Side

Helping lead worship on Friday night was both an extremely gratifying experience and really fun. One of my other apartmentmates (TJ) was also leading worship (though at AACF, not CCF) this past Friday, and we both thought it was pretty much awesome.

Just being in the front and seeing everyone — even the freshmen, many of whom had just met the people around them moments before — worshiping and praising God together in unity, despite differences or friendships or class was amazing. It’s those types of moments that I can feel God calling me to pay attention so that He can show me that the singing or the instrumentals aren’t everything in worship; the selflessness and waterfall of emotions of the people worshiping with each other seem to bring glory to God, and are worship within themselves.

I can’t help but relentlessly imagine what amazing plan God has in store for me as His servant in the years to come.

Speaking of worship and such, here’s a great song that TJ likes a lot and now has rubbed off on me:

“Your love heals every disease
Your love fulfills my every need
Your love is everything to me
Your love is everything

I will not forget
I won’t forget your promises
I will not forget
I won’t forget your love.”

The song’s chorus and bridge are so elegantly simple, yet convey the most important reason behind why we are Christians: the love from God in the form of the Christ. The response is equally important: that we should never forget the gospel and why it is so important to us.

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Now, on the note of taking steps back, I was reading this article:
How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause

This portion particularly stuck out to me:
“The tragedy is that Satan uses the guilt of these failures to strip you of every radical dream you ever had, or might have, and in its place give you a happy, safe, secure, American life of superficial pleasures until you die in your lakeside rocking chair, wrinkled and useless, leaving a big fat inheritance to your middle-aged children to confirm them in their worldliness. That’s the main tragedy. “

If you’ve ever looked me in the eye at any time in my life and have some degree of discernment (or read any previous emo blog posts), you could probably tell that at any point in my life I’m never feeling particularly “happy” or “joyous”, despite whatever celebratory event has happened to me. This kicked in the day right after serving on the worship team, and I soon fell into an extremely depressed state. Everything felt hopeless — no, things still feel a little helpless — and I felt like no matter where I went in my spiritual life, I’m just heading towards one giant fall into betrayal and despair.

But I guess according to Piper, this is exactly what Satan wants me to feel: like I’m worth less than nothing because of who I am and what I’ve done, and that there’s no point in trying to “walk the path” when most people around me I know are just…blind sheep given pitchforks. And that’s the voice I had been listening to for the past several months, the same voice — the same weapon — that has kept me in a depressed and agonized state all this time.

Now, at the very least, I know that that’s the wrong way to think, that because of my failures I should feel perpetually guilty and therefore am unable to glorify God. But that’s not true at all. I’ll never let Satan hold me back from glorifying God because of my own shame anymore. After all, what the heck is the point of Jesus dying and God’s love if I don’t manage to glorify Him with my life — the life that God loves and has a plan for?

Though, if I do somehow forget this from time to time, I would like those around me to encourage me and remind me of this amazing love.

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.
- Phil. 1:20

Your love is everything to me
Your love is everything
I will not forget
I wont forget your love.