This might be an interesting read:

http://www.preachingtoday.com/skills/article_print.html?id=59945

Controversy spreads like fire around a topic like sexuality; legislation from so many governments are trying to either criminalize homosexuality, as in Uganda, or legalize gay marriage, like in several states in the past year. It is no wonder why Christians (as well as many other Old and New Testament religions) are found in the arena that is politics so much — “core family values” doesn’t really cut it if you’re trying to pass a huge bill (we could clearly see the effects of both sides’ efforts in California’s 2008 Prop 8 voting, with around 52% in favor against 48%).What is a “good” Christian supposed to do in this situation? Social norms (at least in California) dictate that one should be tolerant and nonjudgmental of others’ business. Biblical passages clearly indicate that homosexuality is a sin. How are Christians supposed to respond, when both sides are faux pas?

Many Christians and gays alike have been trying to cope with this sever cognitive dissonance by adopting one of the following beliefs on Biblical sexuality:

• Homosexuality is a sin. Sexual orientation can be changed. Therefore, homosexuals are wrong because they will not change their sinful lifestyle. (Fundamentalist view, Side X)
• Homosexuality is not a sin, and is acceptable. The changeability of sexual orientation does not matter. The Bible was mistranslated to have the word “homosexual” or the Bible’s teachings on sexuality are no longer relevant by today’s standards. (Liberal view, Side A)
• Homosexuality is a sin. Sexual orientation cannot be changed. Those who identify as homosexual should remain celibate. (Moderate view, Side B)

Of course, it is highly impossible that one of these arguments could be so compelling that all Christian churches follow that one new doctrine of sexuality. Unfortunately, in the near future chasms between different denominations of churches will appear, with the doctrine of sexuality as yet another dividing factor.

Because of the numerous passages in the Bible about sexuality, let’s assume homosexuality is a sin (though I think only the verses in the New Testament are anything close to relevant, but I’ll save that rant for later). “Homosexuality is a sin” is an extremely broad statement, so I will try my best to centralize it.

Firstly, I’ll give a short analysis of what Romans 1:25-27 says about homosexuality so that a firmer definition of it can be used.

²⁵They exchanged the truth of God for a lie, and worshiped and served created things rather than the Creator—who is forever praised. Amen.

²⁶Because of this, God gave them over to shameful lusts. Even their women exchanged natural relations for unnatural ones. ²⁷In the same way the men also abandoned natural relations with women and were inflamed with lust for one another. Men committed indecent acts with other men, and received in themselves the due penalty for their perversion.

Rom 1:25-27 (NIV, emphasis added)

I will define homosexuality as having sexual attraction, or lust, towards people of the same gender. From the verse, it is states that “God gave them over to shameful lusts,” (v26) meaning that the immediate consequence that God gave to people was to ignore their passions — God didn’t slap them in the face and say “stop having gay sex.” Instead, the punishment was to let them continue and to allow their hearts become hardened to sin (Rom 1:18) (extremely dangerous, and unfortunately the reason why it is so controversial). Although this implies that being a homosexual is a consequence of some other sin, I think that like our fallen state upon conception (Ps 51:5), homosexuality is simply a consequence of our (prior) state of sin and misery (WSC 17).

Though, if it is indeed a consequence of a prior state of sin and misery, then the death of Jesus and the repentance of a newborn Christian should, in a way, “pray away the gay.” However, countless stories of ex-gay camp survivors and failed conferences to turn people straight (Google: ex-gay) are clearly evidence in favor of my next point:

Sexual orientation cannot be changed, which is God’s choice of sovereignty. Paul writes to the church in Corinth:

^7bThere was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. ⁸Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. ⁹But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

2 Corinthians 12:7b-9

Like Paul’s thorn (it was probably a physical illness, historians have hypothesized), sexuality is something that is part of our human bodies, and God will not change that for us; He’s already given us His grace on the cross. In other words, it’s not something that God will heal or fix if we ask Him enough (like cancer, or AIDS, or any other disease that has no perfect cure), but the thorn of homosexuality will make a gay Christian realize even more and more often just how much Jesus paid on the cross to help our utterly helpless condition before a perfectly holy God (Misty Irons, “Calvinists, Pelagians, and Homosexuality”).

With those two points in hand: homosexuality is a sin, and sexual orientation cannot be changed, I find that the response to homosexuality (and other sins) that many Christians adopt, “Love the sinner, hate the sin,” is quite ridiculous. It may work for committable sins, such as stealing or lying, but if one goes through life with the idea that sinners are people who commit sins, it is hard to depart from the thought that it is the sins we do that make us sinners. It is no longer about original sin that we’re born with; how can you apply that cliche line to babies, who are by default sinners, yet have not necessarily committed any sins? It is no longer about the heart behind doing good works, but about the magnitude of the outward appearance of good works. It is no longer about how sinful we are being when we have lustful thoughts, committing adultery every glance we take, but rather how well one keeps those thoughts to him or herself.

That type of response, to “love the sinner, hate the sin,” that forces Christians to deny that we were born into this world imperfect, is non-Christian and unbiblical. It encourages deceit and lying amongst Christians, trying to elicit a response of deadly pride: those who wish to have the so-called “unconditional” love of their brothers and sisters in Christ must first work to attain that love by hiding their sin. It tells Christians that they can, in their own power, overturn sins and become holy on their own.

However, this cliche’s deadliness only begins with these committable sins. If applied to homosexuality, in which a sin is not committed, rather the sin is a part of the body (as an ongoing, lifelong attraction to the same gender), a Christian using that cultish mantra to “love the sinner, hate the sin” cannot differentiate between what is the sinner, and what is the sin. And instead of defaulting to simply the “love” part, as Jesus commanded us to do, the Christian then reverts to hating the sin. Coupled with not knowing exactly what the sin is, and how it is part of the sinner, the hating the sin paves a road for the Christian to begin hating the gay person, and driving him or her away from the gospel.

Instead of “love the sinner, hate the sin,” what should we, as Christians, use to reconcile with homosexuals? Though I don’t exactly have the evidence to support it, I am leaning towards the Side B approach, to encourage celibacy among gay people. The only problem with this approach is that it strips away the possibility a gay person would have of a “happy” life: a monogamous (gay) marriage, embracing one’s inner self, living out loud, etc. (they already are stripped of having kids and becoming grandparents, which sucks). I can only imagine how jealous a gay person would feel when his or her straight friends get married, have kids, and become grandparents. It takes “count your blessings” to a whole new level for straight people.

But if a gay person does manage to get past all of that and finds him or herself enamored with Christ, I can also only imagine how much that life would glorify God, through reliance on Him. It’s no doubt to me that God’s power to save gay people is truly made perfect because of their condition. Now if we could erase the stigma that Side X has been garnering for centuries, we could finally start sharing the good news with them.

…there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me.

- 2 Corinthians 12:7c-9

Remember what many things God has given you instead of wanting what God has given to others.

And always, always, if you can’t think of any good thing in the world anymore:
Remember God’s free gift of grace that ransomed us on the cross.

I’m too much of a coward to do anything.

(Campus Market)

I keep waiting for something significant to happen. I know I’m not happy at where I am now, but why do I keep waiting?

I’m considering visiting the home of the “enemy”, to see what it’s like on that side. What have I got to lose?

(Max Adler)

Time and time, over and over, I still get stupefyingly paralytic depression.

I can’t sleep, concentrate, or laugh. I haven’t gone to church in a week (tomorrow — er, in three hours I mean — will make two), gone to any events besides the CCF meeting, or have had the ounce of effort required to do something (laundry, homework).

What is the cause of this? I’ve placed blame on many things — sugar, milk, my mattress, stress, possible autism — but I doubt that any of those have relation to my problem. I think that deep down inside of me, I know that it’s impossible for me to truly be happy (or joyful) when my daily life is met with the constant lies and ignorance being spouted from every mouth I used to respect. I do lose respect for people quite easily, you know. (I very rarely gain respect for people, except for a few in the past year).

And the kicker here is that because I don’t have respect for many people, I trust no one enough to let them help me — or if I still even consider it help. They might ask me what’s going on, but I smile and say lies. I know exactly what to say to fend off their help; growing up in the church helped me with that. I used to think that my faith was sound; unwavering, unfaltering at times. I’d be God’s shining light in the modern day of corruption and wrongness.

But now, I can hardly tell the difference between whether I’m truly a Christian, or I’m simply at church or at meetings just because I’m looking for nice, honest friends to hang out with, because maybe, I’m actually really lonely inside. (Though, if my subconscious were trying to make friends, it would almost certainly avoid making friends with Christians).

Not only that, I’m afraid of being the leecher on the sideline. Sure, I’ve helped out on worship, shown my leadership, but being assertive has only made the real leaders to delegate my complacent peers to lead instead (hah what a letdown from the website business. I don’t even feel that I’m being used anymore). I’m thinking that now, the only reason why I help on the worship team, or strive to serve the fellowship is simply because of an unexplained phenomenon that urges me to contribute back to the community — instead of any passion or love for God.

I see some friends around me in their own strong faiths, battling their sins with the help of the more (so-called) mature Christians. They constantly struggle each day, to my admiration. But recently I can’t understand why they are doing those things anymore. I can see their reason — out of love for God — but I can’t comprehend how they can devote so much, especially since to me, “love for God” becomes “debt to God” and that becomes “obligation to God”. (“Obligation” screams unauthenticity, which you would know bugs me if you’ve read any of my other posts).

Who knows? Maybe this bout will just pass away, like the ones that did a year ago.

Lately, though, they haven’t. I stay up in bed thinking about the grim future of emptiness that I’m setting myself up for, and how helpless I really am to do anything about it.

I spilled hot soup on myself today at Campus Market.

It was the cashier’s fault for having such dreamy eyes.

Helping lead worship on Friday night was both an extremely gratifying experience and really fun. One of my other apartmentmates (TJ) was also leading worship (though at AACF, not CCF) this past Friday, and we both thought it was pretty much awesome.

Just being in the front and seeing everyone — even the freshmen, many of whom had just met the people around them moments before — worshiping and praising God together in unity, despite differences or friendships or class was amazing. It’s those types of moments that I can feel God calling me to pay attention so that He can show me that the singing or the instrumentals aren’t everything in worship; the selflessness and waterfall of emotions of the people worshiping with each other seem to bring glory to God, and are worship within themselves.

I can’t help but relentlessly imagine what amazing plan God has in store for me as His servant in the years to come.

Speaking of worship and such, here’s a great song that TJ likes a lot and now has rubbed off on me:

“Your love heals every disease
Your love fulfills my every need
Your love is everything to me
Your love is everything

I will not forget
I won’t forget your promises
I will not forget
I won’t forget your love.”

The song’s chorus and bridge are so elegantly simple, yet convey the most important reason behind why we are Christians: the love from God in the form of the Christ. The response is equally important: that we should never forget the gospel and why it is so important to us.

—————————-

Now, on the note of taking steps back, I was reading this article:
How to Deal with the Guilt of Sexual Failure for the Glory of Christ and His Global Cause

This portion particularly stuck out to me:
“The tragedy is that Satan uses the guilt of these failures to strip you of every radical dream you ever had, or might have, and in its place give you a happy, safe, secure, American life of superficial pleasures until you die in your lakeside rocking chair, wrinkled and useless, leaving a big fat inheritance to your middle-aged children to confirm them in their worldliness. That’s the main tragedy. “

If you’ve ever looked me in the eye at any time in my life and have some degree of discernment (or read any previous emo blog posts), you could probably tell that at any point in my life I’m never feeling particularly “happy” or “joyous”, despite whatever celebratory event has happened to me. This kicked in the day right after serving on the worship team, and I soon fell into an extremely depressed state. Everything felt hopeless — no, things still feel a little helpless — and I felt like no matter where I went in my spiritual life, I’m just heading towards one giant fall into betrayal and despair.

But I guess according to Piper, this is exactly what Satan wants me to feel: like I’m worth less than nothing because of who I am and what I’ve done, and that there’s no point in trying to “walk the path” when most people around me I know are just…blind sheep given pitchforks. And that’s the voice I had been listening to for the past several months, the same voice — the same weapon — that has kept me in a depressed and agonized state all this time.

Now, at the very least, I know that that’s the wrong way to think, that because of my failures I should feel perpetually guilty and therefore am unable to glorify God. But that’s not true at all. I’ll never let Satan hold me back from glorifying God because of my own shame anymore. After all, what the heck is the point of Jesus dying and God’s love if I don’t manage to glorify Him with my life — the life that God loves and has a plan for?

Though, if I do somehow forget this from time to time, I would like those around me to encourage me and remind me of this amazing love.

I eagerly expect and hope that I will in no way be ashamed, but will have sufficient courage so that now as always Christ will be exalted in my body, whether by life or by death.
- Phil. 1:20

Your love is everything to me
Your love is everything
I will not forget
I wont forget your love.

Blog post mood for today: literal.

Friday
I moved in today. Will and Willy were there to greet me, but Cole and TJ were at Journey Christian training. We made meatballs with carrots and rice. After dinner, we went to go meet with Willy’s freshman friend and invited him to CCF. We met up with Henway and Steph later and met some more freshmen.

Saturday
I helped with CCF’s booth at the club fair today. Will and I walked around and met the freshmen who were walking around and told them to go to the post-fair barbecue we were having. Most of them couldn’t make it though.

Sunday
Today I went back to Journey for the first time in four months. It was pretty happy, reuniting with everyone and meeting all the newer freshmen who were checking out churches. For dinner we had Henway and Steph come over and show us how to make some stuff (Henway chicken, tomato beef, cabbage and eggs), and played Bang after.

Monday
Nervous about school starting. We went to Costco with Pastor Young-Su in the afternoon, and bought a ton of stuff. Afterwards, I went to the SerT leadership orientation for CCF. Unfortunately, I was the only sophomore there. It’s decided that I’m going to be playing worship for the welcome meeting on Friday.

Tuesday
First day of class, Technical Writing seems easy enough. Introduction to Computer Organization was pretty boring, and it looks like we’ll be using C and ASM a lot. We had stir-fry onion beef with carrots, bok-choy and rice for dinner. Will brought back a lot of people so we ran out of food. Cole told us to save him food, but ended up eating somewhere else and didn’t want to do dishes.

Wednesday
Psychology professor tells us he’s taking his furlough day on Thanksgiving week, which makes 3/4 classes furlough’d on Thanksgiving week. Physics teacher tells us we have a midterm on Thanksgiving week, Thanksgiving plans of coming back on Thursday the week before are ruined. Physics teacher spends an hour trying to explain Newton’s third law. We had Costco pizza for dinner. Cole said he’s on a diet and refuses to eat or pay for pizza, but then steals a slice later in the night.

Thursday
Technical Writing is going well, I volunteered for a few things, participated here and there, and I’m pretty sure the professor likes me now. Intro to Comp Organization got a little more interesting. We learned about a simulation computer called the LC-3, and how commands are processed from binary. We had spaghetti that night, before I went to worship practice.

Friday
I’m praying that there’s a high turnout of freshmen, and that our team doesn’t make any mistakes. We’ll see how everything goes.

Worship set for tonight:
- You Are Worthy of My Praise
- Your Grace is Enough
- Jesus, I My Cross Have Taken
- I Have Decided to Follow Jesus
- Salvation is Here